Redneck Letters from home.

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don'tlivewhere we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper thatmost accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. Iwon'tbe able to send you the address because the last West Virginia familythat lived here took the house numbers when they moved so theywouldn'thave to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sureabout it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven'tseen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the firsttime for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said itwould be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cutthem off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worriedbecause it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what itisyet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried topull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated,heburned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch wasdriving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other twofriends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get thetailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of thenormalhas happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,Mom